Reflections as we enter year seven of love and marriage and some babies in the carriage
I will never forget when I first got engaged my Strina Ika told me that “marriage is not all roses.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. For those who know my beloved aunt well know she gives the best advice. Perplexed by her comment, I didn’t quite understand what she meant by that statement. But what I can tell you for sure is that she always has the best intentions. At the time I thought, ah, she’s just being a little silly. Little did I know then….
And then over the course of my marriage, I slowly started to understand what she meant by those words “marriage is not all roses.”
It was her way of telling me, it’s going to be hard work. Like super hard work.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to scare you out of marriage, but I’m letting you know now that marriage isn’t easy: it comes with ups and downs, highs and lows. Once you get married, your life changes dramatically, especially when finances and children are involved. Marriage takes a lot out of you and it consists of a lot of sacrifice and a ton of compromise. But in order for it to work, it has to go both ways.
In the many conversations I’ve had with my close girlfriends over the years is that marriage is tough. I mean, whenever I talk to my girlfriends it’s always the usual complaining about our husbands (and I’m sure they complain about us too). However, I do believe that there is a way to survive all these little things (i.e. complaints, bickering, etc.) and still love each other and be a couple at the end of the day. Perhaps that’s the romantic in me but I do strongly believe that. With that being said, I know marriage is not for everyone and that’s okay too. I also understand that some marriages can’t continue through (for an array of reasons) and that is okay too. Please know that I am just speaking from my own, personal experience.
I do consider myself extremely blessed because I did marry my best friend; we are so different and yet so alike in many ways. We do push each other’s buttons, we do have our disagreements…but at the end of the day, we mesh together so well!
I don’t believe in perfect. I don’t think any relationship is perfect. It can get messy, it can be hard. I admit, we do butt heads time to time, but over the years, we’ve learned how to talk things out and find a common ground. We still know how to have fun together. We still laugh, even when things get tough. Life throws you many curveballs at you and that can cause stress on a relationship. We’ve definitely had plenty thrown our way- residency, premature birth, high risk pregnancy, moving multiple times, major house renovation and a sudden death in our family, to name a few. We went though a lot in such a short period of time…. but we got through it together.
Despite all the ups and downs, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Nor could have I gone through all these obstacles if he wasn’t by my side…and even though we get on each other’s nerves, we get through things together. We still hug each other every day; still kiss each other goodnight every day and make an effort to be ourselves around each other. It’s not easy, but what I’ve learned from seven years of marriage is that couples need to find a common ground: it’s about building trust, showing forgiveness and humility, and most importantly establishing good communication with one another and above all, being good role models to our children. I also think tons of vino after a long day and cuddles on the couch helps too!
The other day we met up for lunch and I couldn’t help but look at him the same way I did during that first encounter we met well over 15 years ago. It’s that fire that still ignites in us and despite many challenges that come our way, we’ve become stronger together.
Živjeli sto godina…i više…